Many of us aren’t ready for the party to end after the 4th of July. We spend so much time, money, and physical exertion to honor the U.S. on this day by celebrating with beer, fireworks, and emergency room visits, but where does that leave us on July 5th?
Do you think you could accept the challenge of finding a way to celebrate at least 5 unique days set aside for fun in America’s Unofficial Holiday Calendar? The coolest thing about these holidays is that, yes, many of these days do have an important purpose, to bring awareness to an issue that’s important to many people.
To many Americans, freedom means individuality, sexual freedom, and sparkling explosions in the night sky. Let’s keep the party open for the rest of the month, shall we?
World/National Kissing Day, July 6
Our first holiday, World Kissing Day, is also known as National Kissing Day. It’s the day we show loved ones we care with a big ol’ smooch, even if it’s just on the cheek. It’s also a great day to experiment and see if kissing is indeed the gateway drug to sex, as many junior high sex-ed books would have you believe.
Experiment with your kissing skills and try some new techniques while you’re at it. Practice by kissing your loved one all over their body and communicating with each other about how it makes you feel. You’ll burn calories, alleviate stress, and boost your natural immunity to disease. Who knows where else it will lead?
Do it for the kissing. Do it for science. Do it for your country.
National Nude Day/ National Measuring Tape Day/ Pandemonium Day, July 14
National Nude Day allows you to embrace your body and walk naked and confident throughout the day (just not out in public in the U.S.). You can also encourage others to let it all hang out and love themselves, just as they should. CAUTION: Nudity has been known to lead to general debauchery and sexual exploration. Have fun!
National Measuring Tape Day is a celebration of a practical tool you can use to measure the length and width of things all around the house. You can put any worries or ego trips to rest by measuring it once and for all if your partner has a penis. Measure the extra space in your basement to see if you have room for the sex swing you want to buy. Use it to measure the door frames before ordering any other large toys for the bedroom. Keep it handy; you never know when you might need it.
National Pandemonium Day is an excellent holiday for happy hedonists who enjoy a little chaos in their sex lives. This is a most beautiful day for an orgy. The purpose of this day may not be to learn how to control the chaos, but rather, try embracing it and going with the flow.
Fifty points if you can find a way to celebrate all three of these holidays simultaneously. As they say, you’re only limited by your imagination.
Toss Away the Might Haves and Should Haves Day, July 16
This holiday might sound more like Marie Kondo’s birthday, but the day is actually for getting rid of the ‘what if’ feelings that linger in our minds:
Should I have bought the Toyota instead of the Chevy? Could I have been selected for that job instead of this other person? I should have bought that other vibrator; this one isn’t doing what it should/could? And the ever-popular: I should have worn a condom!
Throw Away the Might-Haves and Should-Haves Day, July 16
This holiday may sound more like Marie Kondo’s birthday, but the day is, in fact, for eliminating the “what if” thoughts that linger in our minds:
Should I have bought the Toyota instead of the Chevy? Could I have been selected for that job instead of this other individual? I should have bought that other vibrator; this one isn’t doing what it should/could? And the ever-popular: I should have worn a prophylactic!
If you’re alone, jump online and find someone to spend the day with. Regret is a bad place to make your home, and the cost of living there is much too high. Instead, try out new things, positions, people, and adventures.
You can treat this day as your sex life’s New Year’s Eve and make a resolution or two. Out with the old and in with the new exciting possibilities, practices, and routines. Your new sex life starts now.
Stunning Granny Day, July 23
Have you heard of a GILF? Back in the 90s, American Pie and Stifler’s stunning mom taught us what a MILF is. What is a GILF?
On Beautiful Granny Day, a GILF is a Grandma I’d Love to Fuck. If you’re into cougars, pumas, and other crazy feline names they have for older women who enjoy the sexual talents and apparently unlimited endurance of a younger person, then this is your day. There are adventurous grandmothers out there who don’t spend all their time knitting sweaters and finding suitable mates for their children/grandchildren.
Age is just a number when you’re over 18. So Beautiful Granny Day is a win for everyone.
National Hire A Veteran Day, July 25
It comes as no surprise to anyone that too many of our veterans are overlooked and ignored when they come home. While July 25th is a day for HIRING a veteran, not everyone has hiring skills for paid jobs. But we can show our appreciation in other ways.
Test your water pressure in the shower (of course, you would need to be in there too. Help you install the sex swing you bought last week? The whole point is to say thank you by offering something back in return for their service, even if it’s just a blow job.
Check out the member groups and recommendations lines for more ideas and have fun this month!
We spend so much time, money, and physical exertion to honor the U.S. on this day by celebrating with beer, fireworks, and emergency hospital visits, but where does that leave us on July 5th? The coolest thing about these holidays is that, yes, many of these days do have an important purpose, to bring awareness to an issue that’s important to many people. Our first holiday, World Kissing Day, is also referred to as National Kissing Day. National Nude Day allows you to embrace your body and walk around naked and confident all day (just not out in public in the U.S.). While July 25th is a day for HIRING a veteran, not all of us have hiring skills for paid jobs.