Sexual fantasies, dirty thoughts, dirty dreams – whatever you call the sexiest thing that hits your head, we’ve got it. Maybe you have a dream about dating a professor. Perhaps Bridgerton was addicted to flirting with a corset on a four-poster bed. Or maybe you just want to try a new game with your partner. Whatever your sexual fantasy is, the first thing you need to know is that it’s normal – yes, even super weird.
Donna Oriovo, founder of Dr AnnodRight, a board-certified sexologist, says:
“People fantasize about sex for the same reasons as they do other fantasies: when it’s escapism, sometimes it’s a ‘what if’ question.
Some of the most common sexual fantasies among women are threesome and group sex, sex in public, sex with friends, and petting. “A lot of people these days want action fantasy games, and that includes everything from simple hit games.
Some fantasies are more common than others, but our sexual fantasies are as varied as the people themselves, and they are always changing. “People’s imaginations influence what is popular on mainstream television or in movies,” says Angie Rowntree, founder and director of the award-winning ethical porn site Sssh.com. For example, maybe you had a BDSM craze about 50 years ago, or when you heard Doja Cat sing about being a bare mirror on “Freaky Deaky,” you thought, “Wow, that’s hot.” The point is, “the sexual fantasy doesn’t exist in a vacuum, or it’s not static,” says Rowntree.
Another thing to remember is that just because you dream about something, it doesn’t mean you have to actually do it in real life. Sometimes it’s fantasy: fantasy, and that’s great.
“It is normal to have intense sexual fantasies in real life for a number of reasons,”
says Rowntree.
“However, you may or may not choose to express your imagination, your feelings and your reasons are valid.”
That said, if you want to make that dream come true, there are always ways to make your wildest dreams come true. Here are some expert tips to help you create your most glamorous fantasy.
Decide if you want to do something.
Also, it’s normal to dream about things you don’t want. So the first step to making your sexual fantasies a reality is to make sure you really want it. Rowntree says: “First, take a step back and think about whether you want your fantasy to be ‘real’. “Make sure you’re using your imagination because you’re a really enthusiastic participant, not because you’re trying to please others.” If you’re not sure, try other ways to explore your imagination, such as watching B porn or having sex with your partner.
Talk to your partner.
Check with your partner if this is a fantasy and if they want to live with you. Of course, in an ideal world, sparking a new sexual orientation would always be easy and fun, but if you’re nervous, don’t worry. “It’s nothing more than direct and honest communication,” Rowntree said, adding that the solution is as simple as this: “I was so excited when you did X last night. What would you say? if we try Y? Or, ‘Let’s try it together this weekend.'” Is there anything new you’d like to do? ‘ or, ‘I read this article about XYZ… well, what do you think? What makes you work? (PS.: If you’re worried, Stewart adds, there’s nothing wrong with using the old “ask a friend” method of checking the waters first.)
Write in low pressure environment.
“If you’re thinking of exploring sexual fantasies with your partner, do it somewhere where there’s no sexual pressure,”
says Stewart.
In other words, don’t throw new fantasies at your partner during sex. – Start a conversation when you’re relaxing, whether it’s having dinner, watching TV or just going for a walk. Introducing the idea of exploring new sexual fantasies in a low-pressure environment is key to making sure everyone is engaged. on the same page and have the time and space to make sure they can agree wholeheartedly and enthusiastically. “Sex is always best when there’s honesty and positive validation, and you can always be transparent about what you do and don’t do,” says Rowntree.
Do your research!
Depending on the fantasy you’re talking about, you may need to understand security or legal issues, buy equipment, or learn skills. Stewart recommends taking a class, doing some research online, or even meeting a mate nearby before you start. Rowntree participated. Also, make sure you are aware of the potential risks in your imagination, such as being caught having sex in public, and have a plan to reduce these risks and/or deal with possible consequences. “If you want to ecstatic outside or in public, a couples center or swing club can be a great place to enjoy the outdoors,” says Rowntree. “If you want to try the slave scene, start by learning the rules verbatim from a professional BDSM trainer, then try the scene yourself.
Set boundaries.
For sex, safety and consent are paramount when exploring new fantasies. “Make sure you and your partner understand and agree to the Limits, review and test them, keep them safe, and have a ‘maintenance’ plan to report and reflect on,” says Rowntree. Remember, being safe isn’t about ruining the fun, it’s about ruining it.
“Imagination becomes easier when you feel safe and have a partner to support your sexual explorations and needs,”
says Stewart.