Sexual fantasies, dirty thoughts, and naughty dreams – whatever you call the sexiest thing that comes to your mind, we’ve got it. Maybe you dream of dating a professor, or perhaps you’re addicted to watching Bridgerton flirt in a corset on a four-poster bed. Or maybe you just want to try a new game with your partner. Whatever your sexual fantasy is, the first thing you need to know is that it’s normal – yes, even the super weird ones.
Donna Oriovo, founder of Dr. Anna D. Right, a board-certified sexologist, says: “People fantasize about sex for the same reasons they do about other things – sometimes it’s about escapism, or it’s a ‘what if’ question.”
Some of the most common sexual fantasies among women include threesomes and group sex, public sex, sex with friends, and foreplay. “A lot of people these days want action and fantasy games, and that includes everything from simple role-playing games.”
Some fantasies are more common than others, but our sexual fantasies are as varied as the people themselves, and they are always changing. “People’s imaginations influence what’s popular on mainstream television or in movies,” says Angie Rowntree, founder and director of the award-winning ethical porn site Sssh.com. For example, maybe you had a BDSM craze about 50 years ago, or when you heard Doja Cat sing about being a bare mirror on “Freaky Deaky,” you thought, “Wow, that’s hot.” The point is, “sexual fantasy doesn’t exist in a vacuum, or it’s not static,” says Rowntree.
Another thing to remember is that just because you dream about something doesn’t mean you have to actually do it in real life. Sometimes it’s just a fantasy, and that’s perfectly fine.
“It’s normal to have intense sexual fantasies in real life for a number of reasons,” says Rowntree. “However, whether or not you choose to act on them is up to you. Your feelings and reasons are valid.”
That said, if you want to make that dream come true, there are always ways to make your wildest fantasies come true. Here are some expert tips to help you create your most glamorous fantasy.
- Decide if you really want to do it.
It’s also normal to dream about things you don’t really want. So the first step to making your sexual fantasies a reality is to make sure you genuinely want it. Rowntree says, “First, take a step back and think about whether you want your fantasy to become a reality. Make sure you’re using your imagination because you’re a really enthusiastic participant, not because you’re trying to please others.” If you’re not sure, try other ways to explore your imagination, such as watching porn or having an open and honest conversation with your partner.
- Talk to your partner.
If this is a shared fantasy, talk to your partner and ask if they’re interested in exploring it with you. Of course, in an ideal world, talking about sexual fantasies would always be easy and fun, but if you’re nervous, don’t worry. “It’s nothing more than direct and honest communication,” Rowntree said, adding that the solution is as simple as saying, “I really enjoyed it when you did X last night. What would you say if we try Y? Or, ‘Let’s try it together this weekend.’ Is there anything new you’d like to try?” (PS: If you’re worried, Stewart adds, there’s nothing wrong with using the old “ask a friend” method of checking the waters first.)
- Discuss in a low-pressure environment.
“If you’re thinking of exploring