You have deceived many people, including yourself. Ask yourself why and be honest with your partner.
I am a 26-year-old male with a stable job, relationship, and life. However, I have a desire to do something wild and get away with it.
A few months ago, I joined a dating site where I used other people’s photos. I have good conversations with many people on there, all of whom are more interesting than my partner. In the past, when I used my real photo on the site, I didn’t get much attention, and I felt lost. Am I just unattractive?
I don’t like receiving hundreds of messages from potential candidates at once. I feel like I owe it not to the person I really am but to the persona I created based on the looks and personality of someone else.
I talk to these people a lot, but of course, I can’t meet them in person, otherwise, it would be game over. After a while, I thought I was done with it and deleted my account, but I still remember it. I know these people don’t like the real me, but I feel trapped in my current relationship. How can I continue or end it without revealing the truth?
I feel conflicted about my feelings. It’s ironic that what I have now, a job, a life, and a relationship, is what I once dreamed of achieving.
Although deceiving others and using other people’s photos isn’t fun, the biggest liar is always myself. The image I portray doesn’t reflect my true self, enthusiasm, drive, or personality. It only shows my appearance and possibly my body. Using a real estate agent’s photo doesn’t showcase the value of a home. When I hide from others, the way people respond to me and the way I interact with them are all about me.
I asked psychoanalyst Steven Blumenthal for his opinion on this, and he agreed with the saying that everything has stability, “unstable instability from the outside.” He also believes that people are “more likely to solve problems with actions than with words.” So instead of just talking about it, if I don’t like something, I should show it.
“When you lie, you are telling the truth because you are telling the truth about yourself.”
Steven Blumenthal, psychoanalyst
I don’t know about my partner’s attractiveness or interests, but I should tell him the truth. I can say that this relationship isn’t working out for me and he should be free to find someone who can appreciate him fully. Maybe he also feels the same way about me.
Blumenthal also said, “When you lie, you’re telling the truth because you’re revealing something about yourself. When you say it, you know these people don’t like you because they find something unbearable. Fake other people’s happiness is a way to cover up your insecurities. Being incognito allows me to create a persona I wouldn’t normally be able to portray.
People often lie for material reasons, but Blumenthal believes that “authenticity is your currency.”
Many times people distance themselves from others because they are afraid of intimacy and want to be in control. You can’t connect with someone who doesn’t know who you are. Blumenthal also wondered if children could develop empathy simply by “becoming someone they’re not.”
I also wonder if my behavior has anything to do with my sex life and if the people I’m attracted to online are of a different gender than my partner.
Perhaps I can find a more creative and honest way to connect with others. But for now, I need to talk to my partner. I don’t have to reveal everything – I know it can be difficult – but I should let him know that this