Closing an open marriage or relationship can seem daunting. You may not want to disappoint your partner, but you also have reasons that you do not wish to share anymore. Perhaps they are in the same location as you, or maybe they are not. Either way, it does not have to mean the end of your relationship. It also does not mean that your sex life needs to be less fun or adventurous; it simply means that you will have all your hot and enjoyable time with each other and no one else.
Talk it out
Have an honest conversation with your partner. Let them know why you want to close the relationship and become monogamous. Whether you are uncomfortable with sharing, the lifestyle is too wild for your liking, or you are experiencing jealousy that you did not expect to feel in the beginning, there are many reasons why you might think that it is time to close your open relationship. Remember that your feelings and emotions are valid, and the best thing to do for your relationship is to express those feelings and give your partner a chance to respond. The sooner you have the conversation, the quicker you will be happier in your relationship again.
Discuss what your next steps will be regarding your relationship. Do you have any lingering feelings of jealousy or resentment? How can your partner help you overcome these feelings if you do? Do not be afraid to seek help through a relationship counselor or one-on-one therapy if you are not sure what you want from your relationship anymore. Be honest and set your expectations and desires so that you can work as a team to overcome any obstacles.
Set a timeline
Give your partner a set amount of time to end any connections outside of your marriage or relationship. Be mindful that just because you may have been thinking about closing the relationship for a while does not mean they were thinking the same. Hence, it is only fair that you give them time to end any outside relationships that may still be ongoing amicably. You do not want to be cruel, but make sure it is a fair and reasonable timeframe to bring things to a close, whether that timeframe is a week or a month.
Reconnect as a couple
Create new memories together as just the two of you. Get a hotel room or enjoy a spa day. Find a new restaurant that can be your new “place.” Plan trips, go sightseeing, and enjoy each other’s company without outside influence. This will help rewire your brain and show your partner that you are committed to the closed relationship and can still have fun together, even without the swinger lifestyle.
Let it go
Do not hold onto animosity or anger for anything that happened before you decided to close the relationship. Remember that it was a shared decision to have an open relationship, so it would not be fair to your partner or yourself to hold a grudge for any consensual activities that happened while the relationship was open. Once you agree to close the relationship, it is fair to expect your partner not to have sex or ongoing relationships from that point on.
Moving from an open to a closed relationship can be filled with obstacles. Still, if you are both committed to your love for each other, you can navigate this barrier. Even if you are afraid of their potential reaction, the biggest thing to remember is to give your partner a chance by being open and honest about your feelings and desires for the relationship’s future. Their response may surprise you.
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Let your partner know why you want to close the relationship and become monogamous. If you are unsure about what you want from your relationship, do not hesitate to seek help from a relationship counselor or individual therapy. Remember that having an open relationship was a mutual decision, so it would not be fair to hold a grudge for any consensual activities that took place while the relationship was open. Once you agree to close the relationship, it is reasonable to expect your partner not to have sex or continue relationships outside of your relationship.
Even if you are afraid of your partner’s potential response, the most important thing is to give them a chance by being open and honest about your feelings and desires for the future of the relationship.