Finding a genuine partner who is active and knowledgeable in The Lifestyle can be difficult and sometimes awkward for swingers. It is important to find someone who is open to new ideas and willing to share their body with strangers. However, the emotional maturity that comes with this part of The Lifestyle is not something people are willing to discuss when they first meet.
On the other hand, being a part of the established group can mean seeing the same people constantly, reducing the possibilities for lasting relationships. Sometimes, you’d like to try something new and meet someone unexpected.
The problem arises when you meet someone who is totally vanilla. Since vanilla is the most well-known and accepted way of life, the majority of people you meet may not be aware of the nuances that the swinger community experiences. They may not be aware of the philosophy and may even see The Lifestyle as cheating on your spouse.
If you come across a person who shares The Lifestyle and wants to meet you, you need to figure out whether they are mentally and physically invested in The Lifestyle, or if they expect you to move to a standard lifestyle later on. The entire process is difficult, but if you discover someone who is willing to work through your differences, then your relationship is likely to be among the strongest you’ll encounter.
It is equally important to get to know your vanilla partner’s perspective, just as they need to comprehend yours. However, this can leave you vulnerable during the beginning of the relationship, and opening yourself to tough discussions could end up in breaking things if you are unable to agree on how your relationship will develop.
The most crucial aspect of this discussion early on is that, as a swinger, there are certain requirements that need to be satisfied in a relationship that lasts a long time regarding sexual experiences. This could mean including other partners in the room to feel happy or whatever your particular requirements are, but it is important to communicate this in the beginning so that you do not suffer disappointment and heartache later.
It is also important to have a discussion about your communication. For instance, if your partner isn’t a fan of vanilla and is satisfied that you’re keeping The Lifestyle, how much do they need to know about your outside relationships? These boundaries could be the difference between a successful or unsuccessful relationship, particularly if the vanilla companion isn’t used to being with someone who is a swinger. It might take a while to be able to distinguish the emotional component of their relationship from pure physical sex, which isn’t emotionally connected to the person who is swinging. It’s a tricky line to walk, and it can be difficult to discern at first, so be prepared for lots of communication in the beginning!
Give Your Vanilla Partner Time to Adjust
If you decide that having the perfect vanilla partner is worth the effort, ensure that you are prepared to ease up for a time as they adjust to your way of life. It’s generally simpler to accept having them avoid sex with others. But, they could be a bit jealous at first or be irritable in the event that they’ve never had a relationship with someone who swam prior to. A few ways to ease those feelings is to gradually introduce them to some of your social gatherings and discuss with them who you would like to have a sexual relationship with. Discuss the things that draw you to this person, and then ask your companions who they think is attractive.
Simple movements of your body will help them relax provided you give them lots of attention in the process. This will assure them that even though you may find others physically attractive, you like them and they are the one person you want to connect with emotionally. Honest and open communication will help them understand that you’re not trying to keep anything secret about them. This will aid in building the most trust you can in your relationship.
Set Boundaries Together
The most important thing to keep in mind is that many vanilla folks have never had the chance to try anything other than the Vanilla Lifestyle, as they believe it to be the only “acceptable” relationship. The Swinger Lifestyle, although they’re conscious of it, is likely to be a completely new concept for them, and they might need some time to get used to and wrap their heads around the fundamentals. Also, it’s true that you don’t have to be emotionally connected to people you’re hitting. But, there may be rules and restrictions, such as the prohibition of kissing or inviting people into your home. Inviting your vanilla lover to set limits and be truthful with each other may take time. However, it’s crucial to remind them that they have the ability to alter their minds about something at any point.
In a relationship where the couple has been together for a long time, it is common for the vanilla partner to desire to explore certain elements associated with The Lifestyle at times. If it’s watching their partner pick someone up, or watching them engage in a sexual affair, or taking part in a threesome or an orgy, it’s normal for them to give it a go. Sometimes they like the experience, but at times they discover it’s not the right thing appropriate for them. Whatever the case, it’s crucial to let them know that their views are valid, and you support their lifestyle choices as long as they support yours. It’s an extremely delicate line to walk, and sometimes it takes time to figure out how to walk this line.
The most important aspect of any relationship is communication. This is even more crucial in a swinger relationship. Communication can resolve most issues prior to they occur and ensure you remain on the same page throughout the entire time. A simple or swinger relationship can be achieved if each partner communicates effectively and respects each other’s preferences, regardless of whether they follow the same lifestyles.
Have you ever been with someone who was not your typical partner? If yes, how was it?